Kau rasa?

Sometimes kau rasa empty bila suami jauh dari kau. Kau rasa takde protection, kau tak rasa belaian kasih sayang dia. Even though nowadays we did facetime every single day, he still wasn’t there. Out of your reach. Kau tak dapat pegang dia, kau tak dapat belai peluk dia. Kau tak dapat menangis di bahu dia. Dan dia tak dapat lap air mata kau.

Kau rasa?

Kau pergi kerja hari-hari. Dengar soalan yang sama setiap hari.
“Suami balik ke minggu ni?”
Well, screw that.
Aku jiwa sangat setiap kali dapat soalan yang sama. And how senseless they are questioning the same damn thing every day or week. Please create any thousand of conversations but not that, boleh tak?
But l know, it wasn’t their fault. It wasn’t mine either.

Kau rasa?

So now l’m 34 weeks pregnant, carrying our first child alone and keeping  strong isn’t a choice. Tapi sekali-sekala, deep down l’m crumbled, broken. Aku rindu. Aku nak dia ada bila masa aku sakit pinggang, sakit kaki bawa kandungan. Aku nak dilayan macam permaisuri macam wanita lain kat luar sana. Hormon lagi buatkan aku rasa rindu, senang menangis. Aku rasa kesian kat anak dalam kandungan aku ni. Mesti dia rasa apa yang aku rasa.

Kau rasa?

Aku dah lama tak blog. More than a year. But today, l really feel like writing longer instead of tweeting. I kinda miss this blog. It is part of my life since 2009. So here it is.

If l were to run away.

If l were to run away,
From unwanted place,
Broken hearts,
Awkward situations,
Shit people,

I will run into
Somewhere near,
But far to be reached,
Somewhere isolated,
Where l will find peace

I'll sleep all those sleepless nights,
Eat all that l want,
Play with all my might,
Cry all my heart out

If l were to run away,
I'll make sure no traces of me left,
I'll make sure people will forget me,
I'll make sure l won't be seen again

I'll walk another thousand miles,
Swim another thousand beaches,
Drive another thousand roads,
Climb another thousand mountains

Except where you may find me.

Ja ne.

Kimmy Ai is currently listening to : 30 seconds to Mars - The Kill

The Mysterious Monkey Man.

Hi there! How's the day? I hope you all enjoy your long weekends! Since I'm in Terengganu so Sunday is still working day! Haha Sunday blues here T-T So, I promised to story about the mysterious guy I'm engaged to in the previous post. 

Magic

The magic began to start last year in 2014 when I decided to return to Egypt earlier than everyone. For some reason (related to my past relationship with a guy before) I decided to go back to Egypt two weeks after Raya. That time, everyone (including me) feels it is weird to go back early as I didn't have reseat exams and convocation is still way too far on November. I don't know. I just followed my instincts. 

So after I arrived in Egypt end of August, I had nothing to do. Then I get close to the new warden of Malaysia Hall, mr. Zalaz and made some close connection with his family. I drove his family to Mansoura and Alexandria for sight seeing. And also around Cairo town.

Never thought that my instincts brought me to meet this old man.

In October 2014, I was in charge for a program Kursus Keusahawanan organised by Education Malaysia in Cairo and Alexandria (2 series). There are four guests, 3 of them were lecturers from UKM, and one from UPSI were invited to conduct the course . I was in charge as the committee for EME and at the same time I joined the course. In the last day of the course, mr. Zalaz asked me to bring the guests to sightseeing around Cairo. So I brought them sightseeing with one of my mate Syazwan. We get closer with the four lecturers as they were also easy to get along with. Before they went back to Malaysia, one of them, Tn Hj Jumaat asked for my phone number and asked me to not lose contact with them even when they were back to the hometown. 

That is not the end of the story. 

After a week they gone back to Malaysia, this old man Tn Hj Jumaat contacted me thru whatsapp. He asked a favor for me to meet his son and become his daughter in law!!! I was freaking surprised, shocked, and all. Like seriously, someone's father asked you to marry his son which you never knew. That's really RARE I tell you. But then, I agreed to get to know his son first and never promised anything to this old man. It was a humble favor so I can't turn down an old man's wish 100% right?

So, near the end of October, he (the old man's son) started to contact me through whatsapp. It was quite normal, I want to get to know him and vice versa. He's 29 years old, the first son of the family, and had a sister which is 2 years older than me. A family related man. A network engineer. Honestly I never understand his scope of job until now. Haha. He's quite normal except that he's way more mature than anyone else I ever met. 

The first time.

Mid of December, I fly back for good leaving Egypt in sweet memories. Arrived in KLIA, he picked me up as his dad had asked me to meet his mom at home. Waaa that was absolutely a new thing for me. I never had any chance to meet my exes' parents before. Plus, meeting a man you're going to be hooked up with at the first time. Haha. Haha. Haha. Too awkward! But, I acted cool all the way. I started the conversation first in the car, and finally we were like an old long lost friends, we get along too well! I met his mom and right at that time, I fell in love with the family. I felt that I already belonged to the family. They cared for each other, and me. I never felt the sense of belonging like this before, except with my mom. 

The question.

End of January, his mom started the serious conversation with me. She asked if I agree to be with him. I just said 'Yes'. I won't ask too much. If the parents are alright and the man is strong to take care of me, I won't ask for more. This is more than enough for me. I feel blessed to know this family and him. :)

15 February 2015, his parents came to Terengganu to meet my mom to ask for my hand in marriage. Things are going smoothly. My mom agreed to my choice. It was the best choice I ever made, she said. I feel Blessed. I'm grateful to God for this chance I have. 

So last month after Eid, 25 July 2015, I'm finally engaged to the monkey* man, Mohd Ridhwan. Alhamdulillah. We'll be engaged for 1 year, expecting that our wedding will be on August 2016, InshaAllah. I'm happily looking forward to my new journey with him. Pray that this relationship will lasts forever. :)

Till then, ja ne!

*He has long hands, so I called him monkey. :p

Kimmy Ai is currently listening to : Style - Taylor Swift

WEDDING SHOES- TIPS TO PICK THE RIGHT SHOES FOR YOUR WEDDING

Hey guys! Today I'm going to share something which is very interesting about how to choose the right shoes for your BIG wedding day! Since I'm also preparing for my own wedding next year, it might not be exaggerating to do early research for wedding attires right? :)

Every woman dreams of having the perfect fairytale wedding since they were little girls. Even I do. Wedding dresses, invitations, catering, wedding dais, cake decorations are the most crucial subjects in the checklist, and NOT TO FORGET, wedding shoes. However, picking the right wedding shoes is a definite must as you want to have a splendid time on your special day. No one will ever want to walk in painful shoes on the big day of your life. You will never imagine how hard for you to fake big smiles to your guests while your every steps means PAIN! 

Therefore, it is very crucial for women to apply these few tips to make sure you pick the right comfortable wedding shoes. So here's some tips :

Match the theme

Usually people match wedding shoes with their dresses. Sometimes we may fall in love with a perfect pair of shoes that do not match nicely with the dress. Do not make the mistake of mismatching the wrong looking shoes with your dress. Make sure you spend your money on shoes with the similar fabric of your dress or put it side to side if it looks nice together. So does the color. Do not apply color block or opposite to the color of the dress, it might look weird.

                   

                           

Safe 3 inch

Keep versatile, stay safe. The 3inch heel size will be the comfortable height and you can walk in it for the entire day without having the risk of tumbling down. We should never let photos of shameful moments be posted on social media ain't we? Petite girls will think the higher the better but it will be a huge risk to handle killer high heels on your wedding day. Just my simple advice, do not choose higher heels as you will never stand to greet all your guests standing for 3-5 hours. Enjoy a safe choice and be in the moment celebrating your love story.

                             

Pick a strap

Strap shoes always look classy and never fade. It provides you great stability and easier to walk in. No bride would want the embarrassment of wearing shoes that can fly off. For example, if you still want to wear killer high heels to look tall and slender on your big day, then it is highly recommended to wear a strap shoe for comfort. Single thin strap above the ankle would be my choice. 

Last but not least, pick your wedding shoes which will makes you look elegance and classy, not too over. A pair of good shoes will walk you for a thousand miles. So does your wedding fairytales. Avoid being in pain right after your wedding event is over. You still got a pair of honeymoon flight tickets waiting!

       

Tilł then, adieù.

Next Stage.

Assalamualaikum,

Lebih kurang setahun selepas aku punya last post! Pergh. Bukan busy sangat tapi kadangkala aku terlupa untuk menulis disini. Memang terlalu banyak cerita untuk aku tulis. Dan terlalu banyak perubahan yang aku hadapi sepanjang setahun ini. Yang manis, yang pahit, semuanya ada. Alhamdulillah. Akan ku tulis satu per satu later on maybe dalam bentuk throwback. InsyaAllah. 😊

Syawal masih belum hilang auranya. Jadi belum terlambat untuk aku ucapkan Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Maaf Zahir & Batin kepada semua pembaca. Raya kali ini Alhamdulillah walaupun tak semeriah zaman aku kecik2 dulu tetapi masih segembira dahulu bersama family yang tersayang. 

Next stage in my life ye. Ada dua yang paling besar. Firstly, offer letter untuk penempatan as a Dental Officer dah sampai setelah 5 bulan penantianku. Alhamdulillah dapat di Terengganu. Aku masih diizinkan untuk tinggal bersama ibuku. Aturan Allah itu sangat berhikmah.

Yang keduanya, pada 25 Julai baru-baru ni, aku dah selamat bertunang dengan seorang jejaka misteri! Kahkah. Sebab apa misteri? Sebab aku akan ceritakan nanti macam mana aku kenal dengan jejaka misteri ni. Kerana pertemuan aku dengan dia ni juga sangat berhikmah dan sangat magik. Magik yang diberikan oleh Allah kepada aku. Alhamdulillah. Syukur dengan nikmat Allah kerana dipertemukan dengan dia dan keluarganya. Akan diceritakan lagi later on. Takleh expose sangat nanti jadi panjanggggg ceritanya. 😉 

Till then, Ja ne!

                                        

                                               belanja gambar tunang la satu hihi. 🙈

Kimmy Ai is listening to : Rythm of Love - Plain White T's

Nothing Box and Hurricanes.

Assalamualaikum.

I've read somewhere in social media about how men and women differs in the way they thinks. It says that in men's brain, they put everything in different boxes. They have the box for their parents, study, friends, lover, money..etc. So when talking with men about one box, you should not touch another box until it settled first. 

Unfortunately, men have this particular favourite box which women really hate. It's the 'Nothing' box. Do you ever experience of having to watch your man just laying on the couch for several hours, doing nothing, and when you're nagging them, they just listening without saying anything. Literally, they do nothing, think about nothing. And women really hate when they start to sit in this 'Nothing' box. 

When it comes to women, their brain are like wires which connects everything together. There are always a connection to everything. That is why women will touch every boxes in men's head because they will think that there are connections in everything. It sounds too real, right?

But I think, I do have the 'Nothing' box in between the wires in my head. It is because this is how I am now. In these past few days, I've been laying in bed for hours doing nothing. Losing appetite, watching the ceiling continuously, that is how I am. Just listening to my own heartbeat. But in my head, there are hurricanes and storms happening. All wires are stuck, blocking all my senses. 

I don't know what is really happening to me. 

Ja ne.

Kimmy Ai is currently listening to : Jason Lo - Operator, The Line Is Dead.

But now I found you different 

You broke up all the walls in my head

Please don't go

Let me go

                       

Aidilfitri 1435H.

Assalamualaikum. 

It's the last day of Ramadhan 1435 H. I'm still feeling unwell due to moderate fever and running nose. So I'm now in my hometown, gave a big surprise to my mom with my presence this Aidilfitri. I feel like Its a waste if I don't celebrate with her this year. It feels like this will be the last Aidilfitri for us. Well, everytime I had this kind of feeling. Makin besar, makin rasa insecure and negative thinking always disturbs me. 

In spite of that, I still prepare for celebrating Aidilfitri moderately. I bought 2 new clothes, a yellow colored Baju Kurung and a purple maxi dress. Lebih daripada cukup dah tu. This year, I will try to change my style a little bit, more to the brave and elegant style. Last year, emmm I basically forgot my own style hahaha. 

I found my new fashion inspiration icon which I came across in Instagram named Indah Nada Puspita. She is incredibly beautiful, her fashion sense is perfect. She's brave enough to try different styles on her, which attracts me everytime. But eventhough she's my fashion icon it doesn't mean that I will follow her style completely. I have my own principle in my dressing. I love wearing simple thing and it shows my personality well.

Okey, back to the Aidilfitri mood. This year, yeah like every year before, we will have Laksa Penang as the main juadah for the first Syawal. My mom never fails preparing it since I started to remember. I will drive her to our second home at Kampung Batu Tiong, Dungun where all of my mom's remaining siblings reside.

I don't know if I'll have the chance to meet my father this Raya. I wish my I can meet him at least once before I went back to Egypt soon. 

Last but not least, I hope that I will still have a long life to celebrate Ramadhan and Aidilfitri with my family for the next yearsss from now. 

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Ja ne.

Kimmy Ai is currently listening to : Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me

And when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid

I've taken my beating

I've shared what I've made

I'm strong on the surface

Not all the way through

I've never been perfect

But neither have you

So if you're asking me

I want you to know

Deep Heart.

iAssalamualaikum.

What a long hiatus. About one year after my last post. Seems like I already dead from the blogging world. No. I'm still missing to write here. It's just that the timing didn't coincide with my mood. Only few people understand what I mean, haha!

I already finished the final exams of the final year. It was a tough year for me. Time is running like a horse this season. With tough syllabus and practical skills. And while I have to keep my brain intact without stress. It's hard to control myself with my special ability. It's like you want to do more with your strength and there's just something that chained you down. So I decided to not work too much stress in me, and play low and safe. 

So last night I went to Iftaar at Zara's place with Madihah, Tyra, Sumayyah, Suraya, Zati. It's a special day that I got the chance to meet Zara's mom, which I've met before when me and Zara were housemates. And I met old friend Munira which i haven't seen her for quite awhile. And we started sharing stories about ourselves. 

And then it started when I open the story of myself. I told them how I describe people in my own way. I don't know that the way I describe people is very different from others did. I describe people based on a story captured inside my memory. Like for an example, if someone asking me to describe my friendship with Zara, I will say, she is someone that held my hand and walked together when we were going back from school in the middle of the spring like, 3 years ago. Then Munira said I'm deep. And she was like superficial that she describes Zara in one word : Cool. 

I'm like, I don't know how to describe someone with one word. Because I have this personality of having my feelings attached to everything that I care. Even if its an iron. Yesterday I when I was geting ready to go out, I found out that the iron was broke. And I'm feeling sad about it. I don't know if it is normal or I'm just quite different from people. But I know one thing about myself. I have a big heart. Yes. Thank you. 

And we talked about how I open my heart a chance to accept a person which I never liked before, and they say, "You're too kind to give people chance!" But, I don't know, I just think that everyone deserves a chance to be dear to me. I believe in "What you give, you'll get it back" in everything I do. I give people a chance so that one day I'll get it too when I need it. Eventhough at a very first impression I was not moved at all to the person, but then I try to give a chance to hear, see and feel more about them, and I will get the real idea about them. I don't judge, I feel them. I will always try to see the good in everyone. Because I want to be treated the same way or maybe better. And I don't want to regret later if I missed someone that as great as I'll never came across again in my lifetime. 

So they described me in one word : Deep. Yeah, I know I'm deep and I will always be like this forever. And I love myself for being like this. It is like a treatment for my heart so that I'll never think negative of things. 

How I describe myself in one word : A Crybaby. I always am. :)

        

Kimmy Ai is listening to : Let Her Go - Passenger

"You only need the lights when its burning low,

You only miss the sun when it starts to snow,

You only know you've been high when you're feeling low,

You only hit the road when you're missing home,

You only know you love her when you let her go."

Salam Ramadhan. Ja ne. 

F**k Technologies!

Assalamualaikum.

About the free laptop for primary school students, I kindly disagree because I saw these two devils always play games and not study at all. Seriously, during my time, I didn't know what is Zuma Deluxe, Plants vs Zombies, etc, etc.

What I'd played when I was a kid, catching lizards and burn them with fire crackers, play masak-masak with real fire, stones, leaves and my mom's periuk lama, catching a kind of insect that we called 'kunyit' (I don't know their scientific name) and tied their tiny leg with benang and let it fly like flying a kite, and also I do played kites and 'wau' with my brother, play 'bola katok' (like baseball), building forts out of big cushions and 'selimut',  'buah getah', 'bola tin', 'baling selipar', hide and seek, jump into the river near my house, fishing, and also playing with leeches, snails and many tiny creatures. What I want to say is, we're out of technologies. And we study in school without technologies, but we scored with flying colors.

Because we never waste our times with technologies.

Didn't they see kids nowadays wasted their times with Facebook and games, and rarely we see that they use internet for searching information and knowledge, except during making assignments. Well, there might be more useful reasons to use technologies in school and home (for kids), but I always see disadvantages. So, I still disagree.

Hmm, am I wrong or I didn't see it in the same light of yours? =3

In my hometown~

Assalamualaikum~

Sekarang aku sedang berada di katil empuk ditemani bantal busuk dan sebijik laptop. Dan juga sekotak besar koleksi komik-komik jepun dan gempakstarz yang aku kumpul sejak dari sekolah menengah. Dan tak lupa lagi, cuaca yang panas tapi diselangi hujan di petang hari. Oh, heaven!

Berbeza dengan tempat aku menimba ilmu, dengan cuaca yang bersuhu 40 darjah dan kesesakan lalulintas yang tak pernah reda dan perangai manusia yang kurang sabar. Jauh sekali perbezaannya daripada di sini.

Cuti akhir semester dijangka lebih kurang 3 bulan (actually tak sampai pun) ini aku ingin habiskan dengan waktu-waktu berkualiti sama ada di rumah ataupun di luar. Ingin aku habiskan masa bersama keluarga dan juga sahabat-sahabat lama yang masih berhubung denganku, tak lupa juga untuk orang-orang yang tersayang. InsyaAllah.

But, I'm still working to figure out what's the first thing to do right now. Yeah I'm already arrived for about two days already and still not figured it out. *sigh* I planned to take things slowly, like meeting with friends a little bit later because I still haven't had enough in home. But, somethings came up. Suddenly my mother insisting on having me take a part time job as a primary school teacher, or such. I'm not actually against it because I do want to have an experience of being a TEACHER litrerally.

This idea actually came out last night when my mother and I were looking for my niece and nephew's homework. My mother seems like having fun seeing me in trouble being with the two tiny devils helping them to finish their homework. And there's some things that made me freaked out ;

"What actually you two learned in school?"
"Why these a-piece-of-cake mathematical problem (DIVISION) and Arabic language homework seems a big trouble to you?"
"And why the heck that government nowadays gave a free laptop to all primary school students just for me to see that they play games unstoppable?"

Okay, these questions will be forwarded in the next post I fear, because I don't like mixing a few things in a post. So, I'm still thinking about taking a job as a teacher, or just playing around without any time-fixed things. Huh. Hard to decide. =.="

Ja ne!

According to you.

You can think I'm stupid.

You can say I'm full of excuses.

You can talk harshly.

You can say what you want.

You can lie as much as you like.

You can say I'm dishonest.

You can think I forget you.

You can say I put you behind my study, career and interests.

You can say I'm easy to fool.

You can say I don't know what I want.

You can say I'm shameful.

You can say I'm not gentle.

You can make the frown face as much as you want in front of me.

You can say I ignore your words.

You can think I'm playing behind your back.

You can think I'm not trustworthy.

You can say I'm hard to deal with.

You can answer my questions half-heartedly.

You can say I'm not good enough like other women.

You can think I'm a liar.

You can say I'm too full of myself.

You can say anything you like out of me.


One thing for sure,

For me, you're worth every tears and smiles you've made me.