Being myself doesn't matter anymore.

Assalamualaikum.

Aku di dalam krisis membenci diri sendiri. Bukan completely benci. Cuma aku benci beberapa benda yang ada dalam diri aku.

Aku sangat cepat percaya pada kata-kata orang, which is why I'm always being fooled by some people. And I hate it when people take this advantage to lie to me and play with my heart.  But, I can't help it. It is my nature.

Aku jujur pada orang lain. Yeah, there's someone that loves me for being honest, but there were others that didn't. I will honestly tell stories to the person I'm comfortable with. But then, sometimes my words could hurt them unintentionally. Is it my fault for being truthful when talking and giving advice?

Ni yang paling aku tak dapat halang. Aku tersangat mudah memaafkan orang. And bila aku dah maafkan orang tu, aku tak serik untuk kembali seperti biasa dengannya. Ya, bukanlah salah untuk mudah memaafkan, tapi sometimes it hurts me bila kesalahan tu diulang berkali-kali.

Apabila aku mudah memaafkan, aku akan mudah memberi peluang kedua ketiga keempat keberapa kali. Tapi malangnya bila ada seseorang yang tak pernah menghargai peluang yang aku beri. Aku sangat sangat lah pantang apabila dia over confident yang aku akan keep giving him/her more chances and keep playing with me like a toy. Don't wait until the time when I left, and I won't turn back anymore, then you will start to regret. Don't.

I can't say when I hate it then I will stop it. I can't stop being like this for no reason. I hate being hypocrite. I hate to act tough when I'm not. I hate hiding my anger, I hate lies, I hate dishonesty.

Maybe I might stop being myself for a while, even though it felt lonely sometimes.

Its the first time I ever felt this lonely
I wish someone could cure this pain
Its funny when you think its gonna work out
Til you chose weed over me, you're so lame
I thought you were cool until the point
But up until the point you didnt call me
When you said you would
I finally figured out youre all the same
Always coming up with some kind of story

Everytime I try to make you smile
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Everytime I try to make you laugh
You can't
Youre too tough
You think you're loveless
Is that too much that I'm asking for?

I thought you'd come around when I ignored you
So I thought you'd have the decency to change
But babe, I guess you didn't take that warning
'Cause I'm not about to look at your face again

Can't you see that you lie to yourself
You can't see the world through a mirror
It wont be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here

But everytime I try to make you smile
You'd always grow up feeling sorry for yourself
Everytime I try to make you laugh
You stand like a stone
Alone in your zone
Is it too much that I'm asking for?

Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Can't find where i am
Lying here
Alone I fear
Afraid of the dark
No one to claim
Alone again

Can't you see that you lie to yourself
You can't see the world through a mirror
It wont be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here

Everytime I try to make you smile
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Everytime I try to make you laugh
You can't
You're too tough
You think you're loveless
It was too much that I'm asking for?

I'm sorry, if I did wrong. This is all I could do to keep things back to it's place.

Ja ne.