According to you.

You can think I'm stupid.

You can say I'm full of excuses.

You can talk harshly.

You can say what you want.

You can lie as much as you like.

You can say I'm dishonest.

You can think I forget you.

You can say I put you behind my study, career and interests.

You can say I'm easy to fool.

You can say I don't know what I want.

You can say I'm shameful.

You can say I'm not gentle.

You can make the frown face as much as you want in front of me.

You can say I ignore your words.

You can think I'm playing behind your back.

You can think I'm not trustworthy.

You can say I'm hard to deal with.

You can answer my questions half-heartedly.

You can say I'm not good enough like other women.

You can think I'm a liar.

You can say I'm too full of myself.

You can say anything you like out of me.


One thing for sure,

For me, you're worth every tears and smiles you've made me.

Kiss the rain.

Assalamualaikum.

This is another post during the final exam of my pre-clinical year of Dentistry. Five papers already down, there's still six more to go. Wish me luck ya!

It is hot summer season now in Egypt. And I can't escape myself from sun burns and dryness. Its not that I hate the sun and heat. I just love rain, snow and cold better. It describes my mood perfectly.

I have some ways of describing moods and feelings by using the four seasons.

The summer is heat and dry. In some places where near the sea, there's a pleasant breeze while the sunny shines through, giving a passionate and direct feeling.

While in autumn, when looking at the scenery of falling leaves, some feeling of melancholy resides. Imagine you walking in a street lined with trees and along the street, leaves keep falling from the trees and showers you, accompanied by moderate wind, and the sound of the leaves colliding between themselves. The feeling of sadness may appear, like the feeling of those trees that lose their leaves, the feeling of losing something important.

Winter. Snow. Cold. The feeling when the small particles of the fragile crystals fall onto your lip, then melts suddenly into a drop of cold water. It is like a cold version of tears falling from the sky. The gloomy clouds, the cold winds, describes perfectly the feeling of coldness, silence, pure, white, and innocence.

As in spring, the joyness and happiness showered. It is shown by the colourful flowers coming out of various plants. Giving happy feeling, and love. Like the feeling of accepting a bouquet of flowers from the person you love.

And I would like to add another season that exist throughout the year in my hometown. Its rainy season. It comes starting from November until January and it is popular being called North-East Monsoon (Monsun Timur Laut). It rains a lot too in March, June and August. I really loves rain. I love the feeling of walking under the rain without umbrellas. Nothing to fear of, nothing to care of, just letting go and let the rain wash away the uneasy feelings. And I too love the feeling of waking up realizing it was raining and then continue sleeping in the blanket. Heha, my favourite. :D

While living in this land where the amount of raindrops could be counted by fingers, makes me really miss the rain, and my homeland. Although there's winter season, but still can't compensate with the miss of the rain.

I miss you the most when thinking about the rain, because the rain reaaally describes you perfectly. ;)

Kimmy Ai is currently listening to : Hujan - Ku Mahu Kau Tahu

Di sudut termenung jauh
Mengenangkan nasib kita
Kita miliki separuh
Berbentuk hati cinta namanya

Walau kau jauh
Ku sentiasa menunggumu
Inginku imbas kembali memori
Walau kau jauh
Ku berjanji kan terus tunggu
Dipisah lautan biru
Ku mahu kau tahu
Aku kan terus menunggu

Jaga benar gambarku dalam telefon bimbitmu
Jangan pernah sekali kau buang
Seperti cinta ini yang terbuku
Akan bersemi jua

Terus menunggu
Kita kan bersatu
Terus menunggu
Ku mahu kau tahu

Soul of Studying.

Assalamualaikum.

Actually, there's no purpose of me writing today. I was supposed to read Prosthodontics as the exam will be on Wednesday but it seems like I don't step on the right mood to face those books. *sigh*

There are several things that ruins my peaceful state of mind. Don't know how to get rid of them. *sigh again*

But, thinking of how far I've been through this torture of stu-DIE-ing, it's been a while since I have a reason to put a goal to the game. I had it once during my SPM, and I achieved it even though it was bloody hard. But, since then, I had no idea why I stopped working hard. The same goes when I was in matriculation. Although I have a quite big, rigid reason why I should put 4 Flat in my pocket, then again, I made it fell into the trash can, rather than my own pocket.

Then I came here. Still the same did happen. I know I'm a person who lacks motivation in studying. It's not hard to change, but my heart didn't allow me to. It's freaking ironic, but I myself hated the lack-of-motivation-and-enjoyable ME. I actually hate looking at those paranoid students who had no live to spend on but studying. "They should open their mind to another things too! There're so many important things you should take care of rather than just make love with those books!" *Ehem, pardon my retard brain*

Then again, I didn't play too much, yet didn't study like dying too. I love to play safe. BUT, I know that's a dangerous thing to do. You'll never know when the hurricanes will come, you'll never know when the earthquakes will strike. I too, would love to play with something dangerous and risky.

Until one day, someone did successfully hit my comfort zone. That one really did toss my calm side. That person really put thunders and storms inside my brain. The one that can shake my ego. Wait, since when did I have the ego? Yes, since I met that person I learned that I too have the ego in myself. That person too made my head spinning and my heart to ponder. It makes me realize that there's such a person who would make my world upside down actually exists. The person that makes me FINALLY revived the soul of studying that have been kept frozen in the depth of the ocean of my heart.

And then, why did only this person? Why did not another people can do this? Why this freaking person? *sigh*

To that person, you dare to pull the soul out, but don't you dare to play with it and turn it down again. It's hard for me to deal with this itchy feeling that makes me want to pull the nerve out when facing exams (which I usually never felt nervous in any exams before). And I dare you to put up with my calmness. I might kill you with my silence.

Okay, done writing. Now let's give this book some 'lessons'. Heh.

Kimmy Ai is currently listening to : Someday I Will Understand - Britney Spears

2 10 11

Assalamualaikum~

Final Exam will start on 6th May until 18th June. Haih. God, please help me to remember all that I've read. :)

It's 2nd May. It's been 7 months already. The memories of me looking in those eyes still fresh. It felt like we've parted since just yesterday. But time flies faster than I thought. Time moves, distance kept, and memories never faded.

I still remember his distant eyes. Like he's in another world of his. In that place, I only watched him being silent. He rarely talks; rarely smiles either. But I'm comfortable with him being like that. As he walks slow, I watched contently. I really don't wanna miss any sight from him. I want to remember his every actions as much as I can, because I know we'll be separated.

His beautiful eyes, captured my sight. His height, makes me wants to stand tall. His soft acts makes me feel warmed.

Thinking about him makes my heart wants to explode. 

Yes, I remembered everything about him. But, does he remembers it too?