Nothing Box and Hurricanes.

Assalamualaikum.

I've read somewhere in social media about how men and women differs in the way they thinks. It says that in men's brain, they put everything in different boxes. They have the box for their parents, study, friends, lover, money..etc. So when talking with men about one box, you should not touch another box until it settled first. 

Unfortunately, men have this particular favourite box which women really hate. It's the 'Nothing' box. Do you ever experience of having to watch your man just laying on the couch for several hours, doing nothing, and when you're nagging them, they just listening without saying anything. Literally, they do nothing, think about nothing. And women really hate when they start to sit in this 'Nothing' box. 

When it comes to women, their brain are like wires which connects everything together. There are always a connection to everything. That is why women will touch every boxes in men's head because they will think that there are connections in everything. It sounds too real, right?

But I think, I do have the 'Nothing' box in between the wires in my head. It is because this is how I am now. In these past few days, I've been laying in bed for hours doing nothing. Losing appetite, watching the ceiling continuously, that is how I am. Just listening to my own heartbeat. But in my head, there are hurricanes and storms happening. All wires are stuck, blocking all my senses. 

I don't know what is really happening to me. 

Ja ne.

Kimmy Ai is currently listening to : Jason Lo - Operator, The Line Is Dead.

But now I found you different 

You broke up all the walls in my head

Please don't go

Let me go

                       

Aidilfitri 1435H.

Assalamualaikum. 

It's the last day of Ramadhan 1435 H. I'm still feeling unwell due to moderate fever and running nose. So I'm now in my hometown, gave a big surprise to my mom with my presence this Aidilfitri. I feel like Its a waste if I don't celebrate with her this year. It feels like this will be the last Aidilfitri for us. Well, everytime I had this kind of feeling. Makin besar, makin rasa insecure and negative thinking always disturbs me. 

In spite of that, I still prepare for celebrating Aidilfitri moderately. I bought 2 new clothes, a yellow colored Baju Kurung and a purple maxi dress. Lebih daripada cukup dah tu. This year, I will try to change my style a little bit, more to the brave and elegant style. Last year, emmm I basically forgot my own style hahaha. 

I found my new fashion inspiration icon which I came across in Instagram named Indah Nada Puspita. She is incredibly beautiful, her fashion sense is perfect. She's brave enough to try different styles on her, which attracts me everytime. But eventhough she's my fashion icon it doesn't mean that I will follow her style completely. I have my own principle in my dressing. I love wearing simple thing and it shows my personality well.

Okey, back to the Aidilfitri mood. This year, yeah like every year before, we will have Laksa Penang as the main juadah for the first Syawal. My mom never fails preparing it since I started to remember. I will drive her to our second home at Kampung Batu Tiong, Dungun where all of my mom's remaining siblings reside.

I don't know if I'll have the chance to meet my father this Raya. I wish my I can meet him at least once before I went back to Egypt soon. 

Last but not least, I hope that I will still have a long life to celebrate Ramadhan and Aidilfitri with my family for the next yearsss from now. 

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Ja ne.

Kimmy Ai is currently listening to : Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me

And when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid

I've taken my beating

I've shared what I've made

I'm strong on the surface

Not all the way through

I've never been perfect

But neither have you

So if you're asking me

I want you to know

Deep Heart.

iAssalamualaikum.

What a long hiatus. About one year after my last post. Seems like I already dead from the blogging world. No. I'm still missing to write here. It's just that the timing didn't coincide with my mood. Only few people understand what I mean, haha!

I already finished the final exams of the final year. It was a tough year for me. Time is running like a horse this season. With tough syllabus and practical skills. And while I have to keep my brain intact without stress. It's hard to control myself with my special ability. It's like you want to do more with your strength and there's just something that chained you down. So I decided to not work too much stress in me, and play low and safe. 

So last night I went to Iftaar at Zara's place with Madihah, Tyra, Sumayyah, Suraya, Zati. It's a special day that I got the chance to meet Zara's mom, which I've met before when me and Zara were housemates. And I met old friend Munira which i haven't seen her for quite awhile. And we started sharing stories about ourselves. 

And then it started when I open the story of myself. I told them how I describe people in my own way. I don't know that the way I describe people is very different from others did. I describe people based on a story captured inside my memory. Like for an example, if someone asking me to describe my friendship with Zara, I will say, she is someone that held my hand and walked together when we were going back from school in the middle of the spring like, 3 years ago. Then Munira said I'm deep. And she was like superficial that she describes Zara in one word : Cool. 

I'm like, I don't know how to describe someone with one word. Because I have this personality of having my feelings attached to everything that I care. Even if its an iron. Yesterday I when I was geting ready to go out, I found out that the iron was broke. And I'm feeling sad about it. I don't know if it is normal or I'm just quite different from people. But I know one thing about myself. I have a big heart. Yes. Thank you. 

And we talked about how I open my heart a chance to accept a person which I never liked before, and they say, "You're too kind to give people chance!" But, I don't know, I just think that everyone deserves a chance to be dear to me. I believe in "What you give, you'll get it back" in everything I do. I give people a chance so that one day I'll get it too when I need it. Eventhough at a very first impression I was not moved at all to the person, but then I try to give a chance to hear, see and feel more about them, and I will get the real idea about them. I don't judge, I feel them. I will always try to see the good in everyone. Because I want to be treated the same way or maybe better. And I don't want to regret later if I missed someone that as great as I'll never came across again in my lifetime. 

So they described me in one word : Deep. Yeah, I know I'm deep and I will always be like this forever. And I love myself for being like this. It is like a treatment for my heart so that I'll never think negative of things. 

How I describe myself in one word : A Crybaby. I always am. :)

        

Kimmy Ai is listening to : Let Her Go - Passenger

"You only need the lights when its burning low,

You only miss the sun when it starts to snow,

You only know you've been high when you're feeling low,

You only hit the road when you're missing home,

You only know you love her when you let her go."

Salam Ramadhan. Ja ne.