Kau rasa?

Sometimes kau rasa empty bila suami jauh dari kau. Kau rasa takde protection, kau tak rasa belaian kasih sayang dia. Even though nowadays we did facetime every single day, he still wasn’t there. Out of your reach. Kau tak dapat pegang dia, kau tak dapat belai peluk dia. Kau tak dapat menangis di bahu dia. Dan dia tak dapat lap air mata kau.

Kau rasa?

Kau pergi kerja hari-hari. Dengar soalan yang sama setiap hari.
“Suami balik ke minggu ni?”
Well, screw that.
Aku jiwa sangat setiap kali dapat soalan yang sama. And how senseless they are questioning the same damn thing every day or week. Please create any thousand of conversations but not that, boleh tak?
But l know, it wasn’t their fault. It wasn’t mine either.

Kau rasa?

So now l’m 34 weeks pregnant, carrying our first child alone and keeping  strong isn’t a choice. Tapi sekali-sekala, deep down l’m crumbled, broken. Aku rindu. Aku nak dia ada bila masa aku sakit pinggang, sakit kaki bawa kandungan. Aku nak dilayan macam permaisuri macam wanita lain kat luar sana. Hormon lagi buatkan aku rasa rindu, senang menangis. Aku rasa kesian kat anak dalam kandungan aku ni. Mesti dia rasa apa yang aku rasa.

Kau rasa?

Aku dah lama tak blog. More than a year. But today, l really feel like writing longer instead of tweeting. I kinda miss this blog. It is part of my life since 2009. So here it is.